December 4, 2016 at 10:40 pm #459
This topic is for people with questions about anything related to Choice OSJanuary 9, 2017 at 2:24 am #710
1: this ones regarding life OS paradox #4: “Death / Change”. my understanding is that almost everyone has resistance to death because that means ones life will be over, so all life does its best to survive. if humans suffer from the paradox, but plants and animals strive to stay alive just as much as humans how are the plants and animals not paradoxed as well? isn’t the act of having resistance to change natural a survival strategy because it gives a buffer of time to consider the possible repercussions of ones actions? that is to say, a flicker of “danger, things are not as they should be, take needed action to restore asitshouldbeness”?
2: a big shift in perspective iv been implementing is to trust humanity, and the current practices of the world. I’m doing very well overall, but am still confused about some things. for EG: typically i would bring a mason jar with me everytime i want to buy a coffee to go, in order to not waste a paper to-go cup. This action stems from the fact that the ocean and landfill is filled with to go containers and 1 time use packaging, and if everyone remembered to bring their own cup the world would be far less polluted & factories wouldn’t have to waste energy producing so many to-go cups. however… If believe paper cups are idiotic to use so i don’t use them but most of the world does then that is a huge paradox so I’m fucked. so whats the alternative? : do I trust humanity that since its commonly accepted to use to go cups, I can also use them guilt free, or is that just naive? perhaps to support that belief system I can trust that in the future we will make a technology that solves all of this, or in the worst case paper cups take over the world and we all die and its exactly as it should anyways?
I want to understand not just what to belief about some cups but about everything so it serves my happiness… so another more extreme example is activists fighting to preserve the amazon jungle. as we examined almost all activists are unhappy or will be soon, but without them won’t ignorant humans fuck up gratuitous amounts of forests? I doubt people chopping the amazon down are aware or even value that “More than 20 percent of the world oxygen is produced in the Amazon Rainforest. More than half of the world’s estimated 10 million species of plants, animals and insects live in the tropical rainforests. One-fifth of the world’s fresh water is in the Amazon Basin.” it doesn’t serve my happiness to hear news of more and more land being chopped down… it feels insensitive for me to glaze it over and just say its as it should be. what am I to do about this to be happy about it?
3a: If I get very good at loving being wrong, loving it being my fault so i can make myself right again, yet my intimate partner, roommate or business partner subconsciously takes advantage of that to avoid taking responsibility up to their unintegral behaviours, how do i keep “relating” with them, and feel that the air is cleared? I can “not give a fuck about anything that doesn’t serve my happiness” but that would mean my relationship would be at stake. both people taking full responsibility has been the foundation of problem solving for me, yet sometimes helping the other person to see their blind actions proves difficult, and energy consumptive. whats the best solution?
3b: why do I feel the other person has to also admit their unintegral behaviours before I can feel fully open to them? perhaps the reason the admittance is pressing for me is if they don’t get it they will just do the same unintegral behaviours again and we will both suffer, so i really want them to understand for both our sake! is this reasonable or not?
4: regarding pillar 11: “if I’m wrong I’m powerful” – so if someone has a huge abusive fit towards me and in response i make a tiny little error (lets say its 95% helpful and 5% hurtful) do I still say “I was wrong for that lil 5% hurtful” and don’t point the finger at them at all? If I call them on it “well you did this action and it created this effect” and they are not willing to take responsibility then we will go in circles and suffer, yet 95% of the problem is caused by their beliefs / actions.
5: This is related to choice OS, but was inquired upon by reading the book blink: I’m thinking about the conscious – subconscious relationship in relevance to the following: Throughout my day, I often write things down that are important to remember (such as to do’s, these questions that your answering etc.) because i don’t want to forget it later. I would like to get to the point where i don’t have to do that and can trust myself to remember everything. do you think removing the process of writing down to-do’s and changing my belief to “I will always remember everything i need to” is a good way to do this – or does this first require to remove all the paradoxes? I read an article about how storing data in your brain takes up a lot of working memory so its better to write things down, and rather than memorizing every fact just use google when needed (that way all the info of the world is stored in “the cloud”. do you agree or not, and why?
6: If I achieve permanent happiness, so every moment I have the feeling everything is exactly as it should be, how would that effect my preferences? to give a hyperbolized example if Im totally happy sitting on the couch all day everyday why would I do anything else? where would the motivation come from if i felt in every moment nothing needed to be added or taken away.
7: lets say for example, in one moment I dont feel happy, I feel a dull emotion of disquiet. so I begin searching for whats not as it should be and dont find anything apparent. after close examination everything does appear to be as it should be. i would think it would be something in my subconscious that im not aware of, but is affecting me nonetheless… is this sometimes the case? and if so whats the best thing to do to restore happiness? how much can you change your “asitshouldbe-thermostat” by telling yourself “since i cant find anything not asitshouldbe its unreasonable to feel this so everything must in fact be as it should be, and I choose to see from this vantage point now.”
Thanks!January 9, 2017 at 1:05 pm #712
Good questions, and in most of them there is a fine line that you need to understand:
1. Death/Change. Every being has a sense of self and the instinct of self preservation, so naturally every being wishes to preserve itself, to live as a number one priority. But every other living being except humans is only afraid of death when there is real, imminent danger there, they take action to avert it and stop worrying about it the moment the danger is gone. If you watch nature documentaries, you may see a herd of antelope grazing contentedly in the African Savannah and they are attacked by a lion or a cheetah; huge panic ensues, they run right and left full of adrenaline but regardless of whether one is captured or they all manage to escape within less than a minute they are grazing again in tranquility just a couple of hundred yards away. They do not suffer from trauma or from PTSD. The danger has passed for now, they are happy. The paradox lies in that humans have philosophies that tell us that afterlife is much better than life, that life is suffering in order to get to nirvana or paradise. So, in contrast to other life forms we should not be afraid of death. However, there is a catch: If you do not extinguish all human or living being characteristics, such as the ego, selfishness, sexuality, gluttony etc. you will go to hell, eternal damnation or worse: infinite reincarnations of suffering. So we are not under the natural instinct of self preservation and fear of death, we are in terror and constant anxiety about AFTER DEATH, because how ever well we pretend, we know inside us that we cannot escape our humanity and our instincts, since we all have egos, we are all naturally selfish, we all experience lust regardless of our declarations (as the numerous scandals of supposedly celibate priests prove again and again), we all obey the hard wired instructions, of LifeOS, the basic operating system inside every living being. As for change, again, all beings resist change as a safety measure, but if change is inevitable, say, they have to leave their area because there is no more food or new predators have arrived, they adapt and suffer no trauma.
2. This question applies not only to paper cups or the rain forest, but to every human action and subsequent effect on the environment. It applies to cars, airplanes, heating, air conditioning, packaging, clothes, shoes, ice cream, babies disposable nappies, laundry, disposable hospital gloves, syringes and other medical equipment, supermarket bags, disposable lighters and pens, roads, trains, trucks, shampoos and soap, toilet paper etc. You do use all of that stuff, right? Twenty years ago, talking to my brother who was a Chemical Engineer at GE Plastics, I expressed my anger at the tons of plastic bags that they were manufacturing and he showed me some figures whereby using paper bags not only destroyed the forests for wood pulp ( even recycled paper needs to contain a majority of fresh pulp to hold and tons of acid that has to be released to the environment to make it) but also produced a huge volume of trash. Although plastic bags can live up to a thousand years before they degrade, they weigh no more than 15% of the weight of paper bags and a small fraction of the volume, they require less water and release less pollutants and chemicals. According to government statistics, half of the volume of all landfills is paper whereas all plastic waste put together occupy about 10%. Militant environmentalists outlawed plastic bags in many States in the US such as California and tried to close manufacturing down, actually damaging the environment they wanted to protect due to misinformation and mistrust. Humanity finds answers such as biodegradable plastic bags, but militant greens, if they had their say would have stopped all research. Same applies with nuclear energy, which despite the terror the name causes is much safer than any other. People hate GMO’s and Monsanto as their figurehead but they do not realize that genetically modified seeds to be resistant to pests may one day stop us for pumping herbicides into the ground. For those who declare that the answer is organic permaculture, they do not realize that this means that would mean starvation to over 90% of the 7 billion human population- the poor! As for deforestation, even Brazil, one of the biggest culprits has now implemented laws to protect and to reforest, and progress is being made. Militant greens declare that in 100 years there will be no rainforest but they also predicted 40 years ago that right about now there would be no oil, that the ozone layer holes would have caused everybody skin cancer by now and much more.
The point is that everything humanity does is the most economical and best at the moment, and when there is a better alternative, we switch to it. Coal in the 19th century, oil and nuclear in the 20th, electricity and solar roofs in the 21st. Our civilization proves again and again that we fix the consequences of our technology. Paper and plastic cups are the most efficient and economical method today, and tomorrow there will be a better solution. But if everybody carried around their own mugs and glasses, wiped their asses with cloth and used handkerchiefs instead of tissues we would be using so much energy to clean them and so many waste chemicals and soaps as well as energy to carry them around that we would destroy the environment more. This does not mean that we should not be pushing for better and better and trying to bring awareness about the issues. It just means that we should trust our progress rather than try to emulate primitive times, and push for technological progress rather than regression and restriction.
3a. Your confusion stems from your belief that your intimate partner, your roommate or your business partner will take advantage of you, that you somehow are opponents fighting and competing and not on the same team. Again, it is about trust, and mainly trust that they are identical to you. You want to “help other people see their blind actions” and are frustrated that you cannot. It is your fault because you see their blind actions and not yours! If you trusted them, you would just show them how much their actions are hurting you and you would encourage them to voice their complaints against you. Then you would make sure that your actions that hurt them never happen again, taking full responsibility and trust that eventually they would recognize your efforts and stop their actions that hurt you back. And if they didn’t, you would still end up proud and thus loving yourself and they not. Your issue is that you are competing with them about whose fault it is that there is dissatisfaction and tension instead of making everything your fault for your 50%, solving it and trusting.
3b. Same same- you are competing. Stop needing them to understand their faults, spend your energy in understanding and correcting yours and trust!
4. Why would somebody have a huge abusive fit towards you because of a tiny mistake? Obviously because what you feel as a “tiny” mistake hurts them enough to go zonkers! It is your fault because you do not feel them, you do not put yourself in their shoes trusting that you are identical, so you are not being one with them, you are not loving them. You only throw a huge abusive fit if something seriously hurts you or frustrates you, and so do your loved ones.
5. Trusting does not preclude due diligence, so of course writing things down is an excellent practice and shows intention to not forget. Keep writing!
6. Are you happy sitting on the couch all day doing nothing? I think not! And you are not proud or creative either!
7. If you are happy and lose it, but cannot find anything that is not as it should be, you move to the next primary beliefs; what are you not trusting, which truth do you believe that does not serve your happiness and so on and so forth and you will find the causeJanuary 9, 2017 at 5:58 pm #729
thank you. very helpful responses.
from #2: “But if everybody carried around their own mugs and glasses, wiped their asses with cloth and used handkerchiefs instead of tissues we would be using so much energy to clean them and so many waste chemicals and soaps as well as energy to carry them around that we would destroy the environment more.”
i have a hard time believing using a lil soap and water to wash a mug is “more waste and chemicals and soaps” then what is required to make paper cups in a factory, the smog of that factory, and in the future deal with the landfill full of paper cups. can you prove me wrong?
id like to think humanity does whats most economical and best in all scenarios, but it seem evident that convenience is also one of the highest valued traits in marketing which isn’t always necessary “best”. It seems we don’t use reusable mugs because people are too lazy to want to bring a cup with them and can depend that a paper cup awaits them at every coffee shop, so they just use the cup and give 0 fucks about what happens to it afterwards.
also – can you address this part of my question: “another more extreme example is activists fighting to preserve the amazon jungle. as we examined almost all activists are unhappy or will be soon, but without them won’t ignorant humans fuck up gratuitous amounts of forests?” that is to say, without the pushback of people feeling like things are not as they should be wouldn’t we be passively allowing idiots to cause destruction?January 10, 2017 at 12:35 pm #737
To start with, I do not need to prove you wrong, you need to want to prove yourself wrong, and there is plenty of data out there and university research if you look. But mostly you need urgently to prove yourself wrong, because with your belief system you are angry at everybody, judgmental, extremely aggressive, when you speak about people giving 0 fucks, call people who are trying to make a living for their children “ignorant humans who fuck up gratuitous amounts of forests” and call all the people that provide the infrastructure you live in “idiots who cause destruction”
You think that people who work in the lumber industry, or the chemical industry, or the oil industry, or the plastics industry etc.etc. are not real people with families who care about the world, people who love and want to do their best just because they don’t see things your way!
A person who takes his coffee in a paper cup and then throws it away in the garbage with zero guilt (like me) may care about hospitals, about science, about the economy, about abandoned children, about art, about politics, social care, gardening and everything else but because they are not concerned about your particular hypocritical crusade you judge them and are angry at them.
You say “id like to think humanity does whats most economical and best in all scenarios, but it seem evident that convenience is also one of the highest valued traits in marketing which isn’t always necessary “best”. It seems we don’t use reusable mugs because people are too lazy to want to bring a cup with them and can depend that a paper cup awaits them at every coffee shop, so they just use the cup and give 0 fucks about what happens to it afterwards.” Humanity does do what is most economical and best if you consider all factors, and convenience is one of the highest value traits in marketing BECAUSE IT IS EVERYBODY’S VALUED TRAIT! Why shouldn’t it be? Because we need to suffer?
If you are honest about understanding try the following experiment for one month: Carry with you a towel in a plastic bag (the only way to carry a wet, dirty towel, but you can use the same bag every day by washing it from the shit), wipe your ass with it and then place it in the bag, carry it around with you and wash it every evening so you can reuse it the next day. Add the cost of detergent and the waste of water and see how much your convenience will take it, and if you last a month, how much of your energy it will have taken and how much money it will have cost. But I bet you you don’t last 3 days!
And ask yourself this: in which way does your anger and disdain serve your happiness and your open heart? Truth is What serves my Happiness- The right answer is not the one that feels right, but the one that makes me feel love.January 10, 2017 at 5:22 pm #741
yes, i see how these beliefs dont serve my happiness which is exactly why im bringing them up on this thread. To change a belief it requires new supportive evidence to override the old web of interconnected beliefs so thats what Im seeking.
its hard to believe profit driven companies value eco choices that preserve the earth more than what will make the most $$$, so yes, marketing is based largely upon convenience. I believe everyone working for these companies are working hard to feed their families and feel similar waves of emotions as I do, and are doing what they think and feel is best for themselves and the world. however, the values of what is “best” differs from trump and a radical activist, so if i decide to be agreeable with everything that humanitys doing then how is discernment of use?
we use TP for sanitary reasons so it would be unhygienic to do as you suggested, and is trivializing my question…. I never commenting on changing our use of TP. objective analysis to increase efficiency is not a “hypocritical crusade”, cuz I obviously happily use paper products every day. and yes, TP and paper cups both come from trees, but if we can reduce environmental impact why not do it to consider the well being of future generations? as you said, everything is as it should be, but that doesnt mean we should stop looking for better solutions.
I want to fully trust the choices and course of humanity, but in order to not contradict myself do I need to be able to find agreeable beliefs about all the things I see, which i feel requires logical explanations beyond just telling myself “it serves my happiness so i’ll just believe this now” – do you agree? & what are some tools to help me do this?January 11, 2017 at 4:20 pm #753
You say that you find it hard to believe that profit driven companies value eco choices. Why? If it is good for business, why not? And what makes a person owning or working for a profit driven business less responsible or conscientious than you? Patagonia, a big outdoor clothes and equipment company owes its sales to their eco profile and so do many other companies. What we people want, companies provide. Marketing values convenience because we humans value convenience even more than we value economics, and the labor, water and detergents required to clean a huge amount of cups is what WE DON’T WANT TO DO ALL THE TIME! Use of toilet paper is not sanitary at all, a clean towel not exposed to the germs in the toilet that is properly washed afterwards is way more sanitary- but not at all convenient which is why you are not willing to even try it.
If you want tools for your belief system just go online and start researching honestly; find the cost and carbon footprint of paper cups, the cost of transport and disposal, the chemicals used and released during manufacturing, the average amount of coffee and beverages sold by an average coffee shop, calculate the labor time, water and soap that would be required for clay cups, figure out what would happen every time one forgot their cup, how they would carry it dirty all day after their morning coffee until their afternoon coffee and how much they would enjoy carrying their personal mug together with their shopping when they return home and figure it out: Paper cups rock!!
Stop finding things hard to believe and look for proof by doing honest, open minded research before you believe all the things that are easy to believe because the herd instinct and obedience to the viewpoints of your social environment make them easy to believe.February 4, 2017 at 11:29 pm #903lfruehlingParticipant
Hi research team! 🙂
I have a question in regards to Golden Line.
So for example I am working in supervising a team , and I believe that I deserve and am entitled to happiness. I obviously want to make decisions that are in Golden Line, meaning that serve everyone’s happiness.
How do I work with in this case with people that might not believe that they deserve happiness. I have had successful instances where I was in a position of authority where I made ‘calls’ that then after people were very grateful for, and I am working to always listen to everyone’s concerns , and then coming to a place where Golden Line decisions are made.
I am wondering how to come to Golden Line, while recognizing that I am not responsible for other’s happiness, while at the same time not turning off my awareness and knowing about those things that actually will lead people to more happiness, especially those that i am working with so closely and when people are choosing not to express concerns, desires, and wishes, out of their own fears for example. I got some hold on this but get confused at times.
Thank you!February 5, 2017 at 6:18 am #906lfruehlingParticipant
Can somebody explain: WHAT IS INTENTION? INTENTION IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN, NO MATTER WHAT!!! ?
It’s the first time i see this pillar.
Thank you,February 6, 2017 at 7:55 am #909
Finding Golden Line involves training your mind to make choices that provide a net benefit to as many issues as possible and to as many people as possible involved in a particular situation IF THEY CHOOSE TO. It is about providing an opportunity, not force people into things. People have a right to make their own choices, and you are not responsible for them. Making a choice that provides Golden Lines for everyone around, does not obligate anyone to take the benefits, and it should not bother you if they do not. Adjusting your actions so that they do not only serve narrow objectives but expand to serve multiple other side objectives and provide as many benefits as possible as widely as possible is an internal exercise in optimization and consciousness and has nothing to do with other people’s choices. Your success should be dependent on how much you can open your heart and mind and envision the effect of the waves of a particular action in time space probability and have the will and consciousness to optimize this effect. This is enough, whether other people choose to be happy or self destructive is none of your business.
The Intention is what happens, no matter what! is a way to respect your intentions and give them power, and it is explained in the text. This site will be providing many more pillar beliefs than you know and will be enriched constantly. It is Sara’s favorite, so I included it in the main kernel, and there are many other tried and tested pillar beliefs that will surface as more and more versions appear on the site.February 22, 2017 at 3:55 pm #944
The person in my life I have the least understanding and love with is my father. I would like help relating to him better. I feel a paradox because while I want to have a loving connection with him, many times I leave our engagements feeling unfulfilled or sad. To give you an idea of his participation in my life, he did not visit me once in 5 years while I lived on Vancouver Island, though I invited him and lived but a half day journey away. Instead I visited him whenever time and money permitted. Also when I posted videos of my songs he said my music is not his style and for this reason he didn’t attend one show while I lived in Vancouver years ago. He also has a tendency to back out of commitments. For example, he offered for me to stay with him for a month or two in order to have a landing spot to better seek employment and housing in Vancouver, and then backed out when he found out my Grandfather had bought me a ticket to Brazil without his permission. In his mind it is something he wants to be consulted on – he said he would rather me not return to Brazil until I have a university degree. Even though I explained to him the importance of family to me and also that I would rather study privately and take small courses that directly support my career-choice as a singer songwriter and music producer. While he has offered to help me pay for a university degree, when I asked him for help paying for private piano and voice lessons he did not help, and also claimed that helping me purchase recording equipment was not a “good investment.” When I feel him, I see that he wants me to have a happy life and be financially well-off, which in his mind is easier attained by careers like law, teaching, or medicine. As a child he was raised in a very wealthy family and had everything paid for him (even an apartment purchased for him) so he could have every amenity as he pursued his career in computer programming. He hints that when I am closer to him again in Vancouver he will try to connect more and I would like to believe that. Where I am at right now is choosing to continue to love him and try to relate without the expectation of financial support or even that he will enjoy my music. If either happen – GREAT! But if not, no worries! I am happy to provide for myself. I imagine once I have my first album out and fully produced he will at least be somewhat impressed because I believe fathers want to see focus, and I have been unfocused and depressed in previous years, and only had a half-assed commitment to my music. Of course since the Mythic Voyage I feel differently. My question is, if he continues to say un-supportive things at what point do I draw the line? And how do I draw it? Before I flew to Brazil he told me that he wasn’t going to make any sacrifices for me. Which I responded to with “That’s wonderful, I wouldn’t want you to sacrifice anything for me, loving is not a sacrifice.” And I gave him the best goodbye hug I could muster! But I was still confused as to the relevance of such a comment! So yes, what are my blind spots here? What am I believing that is screwing me up? I feel my inner-child desiring to be seen and held by him, but countless times he has hurt me in my most vulnerable moments. Since being in Brazil everyone is very supportive of my choices. My Grandmother says that her son is just cold and is upset because I don’t fit his idea… And also bitter because my Mother took me away from him at the age of 4 and did not return me until the age of 13. So there is a lot of pain there. Also, I can tell that my new found confidence and happiness irritates the hell out of him sometimes. What do I do? Thank you for reading my long message, I am SO grateful for this site. Reading other people’s words also helped me very much. YOU ROCK TIERRA MITICA! With so much love, AriellaFebruary 22, 2017 at 4:18 pm #947
Hello Ariella, thank you for your question, I feel that there are many people facing similar issues. It actually is all about the belief system. Your father’s belief system obviously makes him fearful of your choices because he believes that your choices make you unsafe. He would feel safe if you adapted to his belief system, had a “down to earth” steady job and feels that if he supported you in your “dangerous folly” to pursue a music career he would be putting you in danger. He also probably feels hurt by the events in your life that gave him no choice on how to raise you and guide you and is also in paradox (internal contradiction) because he is simultaneously guilty and ashamed about his part in the broken family conditions that you have experienced. He wants you to be safe rather than being happy pursuing your dreams, because this is the life choice that he pursued. If you actually succeeded in being happy by choosing to follow your dreams and not choosing the safe way, that would discredit all of his life choices. If you want to be closer to him, try to alleviate his guilt by expressing gratitude for your life experiences, absolve him of any responsibility for your life choices and your life so far, and just declare that you just want to have a relationship with him without requiring anything from him, no strings attached. It will take him some time to believe you, but eventually, when he sees that you mean it, he will soften up. It is his belief system that defines his thoughts, emotions and behavior and you can not change that overnight, but you can peck at it little by little by making the right symbolic moves, mainly require nothing from him from now on other than his love.February 22, 2017 at 7:00 pm #950
The way you explained how his belief system works and his guilt, has untied this knotted feeling I had inside. I have the patience to love him and require nothing in return, and peck away little by little as he softens. Thank you for such a quick and thoughtful reply. Much love! 🙂 -AriellaFebruary 28, 2017 at 1:58 am #962
Christianity! So far in my trip to Brazil I have been able to engage conversations about the bible and spirituality without compromising any of my values. However, I am spending the week with a particularly fundamentalist part of the family. Though I love them dearly, and we can have SO much fun when the conversation is not about religion, the few times it has turned religious I feel I am under interrogation, and it is like talking to the paradox not to my family. One example is, because my views are so compassionate (wanting happiness for all) they think I don’t read the bible enough. Which for them, I don’t. Though there is much I disagree with in the bible, there are parts I have read that I can agree with and find beautiful, especially when taken for symbolic meaning. Through focusing on what we all agree on I have been able to make some good bridges. Today was harder. They asked me if I had been baptised and believed Christ was my saviour. I feel my name-change at Tierra Mitica was a baptism – I got drenched in rose-water and vowed to adopt not only a new name, but a whole new happiness-centred operating system with which to work in the world. So I answered yes without much paradoxical feeling. But when it came to the Christ question, I felt paradox. I knew that If I said no, I don’t believe in original sin, I believe every baby has the potential to be as mythical as Christ, I would be dealing with days of questions, suspicion, pressure to convert, and in many ways rejection. I decided to answer yes for in my heart I feel Christ is a symbol of pure love consciousness and I am in agreement that love conciousness saves lives. However, I know my family is thinking of Christ differently, so it felt paradoxical. like I was drawing weak parallels from my beleifs to theirs in order to avoid attack. I decided in that moment it did not serve my happiness to reveal more about my beliefs, it would ruin my week with them if they saw me as a non-beleiver. Letting them perceive me as Chrisitan has helped us all have more love in the room. I also thought that since they haven’t seen me in 10 years, it is best to slowly reveal myself — after all I’m not out to convince them of anything any more than I want them to convince me of anything. I even feel happy to accept that I can have a perfectly good relationship with them and avoid broaching these topics. The paradox I feel is I wish that I could be totally honest and accepted for my spirituality, but the reality is that being totally honest isn’t safe or smart for me in this instance. So yes, Is their a better option here that serves the Golden Line? Or have I been doing a good job navigating these tricky waters? Also, these are the only people who are having a hard time calling me Ariella. It is my Dad’s brother and his wife, and their two young children. They told the children that Ariella is my other name, and in their minds they are saying that it’s too hard to explain to the very young children (3 and 7 year old) that I changed my name, they want to slowly ease into it. They have always talked about me as “Hebecca” to the kids. I also think they feel sad, like so much changed and now they hardly know me. So holding onto a bit of the old is comforting to them. I think the reason these people are having the hardest time accepting this, is because they really loved me as Hebecca. They were my favorite family. My uncle Shalom was like a father figure to me and always gave me fatherly love when I visited Brazil as a teenager. They also to this day call my father on his bad behavior and stand up for me. I feel a little sad when I hear my old name, but I also FEEL them, and all I want is peace here. I don’t mind hearing Hebecca for a week if it means nurturing this very important relationship to me. I trust that in time everyone will be on board with Ariella, after all they are open to it. I am happy they are at least tying to introduce the new name to the kids. I look forward to reading your reply. With so much love, Ariella!March 2, 2017 at 8:50 pm #984
Hey! I just want to give an update and say that I untangled myself and I feel pretty darn good now! HURRAY! I was able to dive deeper today with my Aunt when her and I had some one on one time — what came out was amazing. True love. It is such a gift to feel somebody, to really feel them. When somebody lets you feel them. Anyways, I’m still open to hearing thoughts on a situation like the one previously mentioned. 🙂 Much love!
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