#metoo

#MeToo: The trap of victimhood: Anger, guilt, shame and the loss of everything of value

What do throwing early Christians to the lions in the Coliseum, the Holy Inquisition, the Salem witch hunts, McCarthyism, chicken pecking parties, lynching by the Ku Klux Klan, public stoning in fundamentalist Iran of adulterous women, Mao’s Cultural Revolution sending hundreds of millions to Mongolia for being intellectual and wearing glasses, gas chambers and concentration camps in the holocaust or Rwanda’s genocide against the Tutsi have in common with our modern, western, civilized society?

Mob mentality: Where an angry mob attacks and nobody dares to object lest they be thrown to the arena themselves and be torn to pieces. All human rights are suspended, people are guilty unless proven innocent instead of the other way around and chickens peck at each other viciously, showing their allegiance to the mob to avoid being targets themselves. A few fanatics turn everybody into rabid animals. And the mob, in order to be able to live with themselves, convince themselves to embrace all the anger and find justification for it. All reasoning and human kindness is lost, only the anger remains.

A new social movement has taken the headlines by storm lately, but it is based on a social phenomenon that has been brewing for years, distorting society, twisting gender relationships and alienating people. It is the #MeToo movement, based on the social phenomenon of recent years of the widening, actually the rapid and relentless ballooning of the spectrum of what constitutes sexual abuse and harassment, to the point that every single woman that ever lived seems to be the serious and traumatized victim of sexual abuse and every man a despicable abuser. Apparently it is so extremely desirable, such an honor to be a victim as well, that women are rushing to join the movement, unearthing traumatic memories decades in the past in a frenzied competition for victimhood. And this in the age of woman power, where women are presidents, prime ministers and CEO’s, warriors and fighters stronger than any man as depicted in almost every recent movie and life itself. Powerful women that are victimized by a look, a touch or an innuendo. What a paradox! Men as well, in the spirit of healthy competition, rush to join the same movement in traumatized victimhood of their own gender’s and nature’s horribleness, racked with remorse, guilt and shame, and declare MeToo, I am an abuser, I too have looked at a woman with desire, I too have committed the crime of demeaning them by telling them they are sexy, I too have dared to suggest to pay the check at a restaurant or tried to open my dates’ car door or touch her in the shoulder with no prior written and notarized permission, I too have objectified women, I too have been unable to contain a suggestive look and I apologize deeply. By doing this, they enter the club, become part of the lynching mob and gain the right to go on a holy Jihad against every other horrible and degenerate man.

And attack they do; viciously and vociferously. Nobody is immune. And you do not need to be a sexual abuser or harasser to be attacked. All you need is to have met one, maybe to have been a friend of one or an alleged one, or have made a comment in defense of one, or even just to have done nothing to stop one, regardless if you knew they were horrible abusers or not, and regardless if it was even true!

Enter Matt Damon, one of the most popular actors of our era, a happily married man since 2005 with four daughters, an acclaimed actor and philanthropist, and definitely no kind of sexual abuser. But an online petition has gathered over 20,000 furious signatures to scrap his role in Ocean’s 8, a sequel of Ocean’s 11 and his career is on the rocks. Why? Because he knew Harvey Weinstein and did not stop him. And because he dared to state the following: “I think it’s wonderful that women are feeling empowered to tell their stories, and it’s totally necessary … I do believe that there’s a spectrum of behavior, right? And we’re going to have to figure — you know, there’s a difference between, you know, patting someone on the butt and rape or child molestation, right? Both of those behaviors need to be confronted and eradicated without question, but they shouldn’t be conflated, right?” and “Well here’s my optimistic spin, this is like 1 percent of the guys who are losing their careers. It’s not everybody. It just feels like it. There’s so many great men and women in the movie business. So many great people. It’s such a wonderful collection of people overall. And these rotten horrible apples are getting weeded out right now.

And that’s fine. That’s a good thing. That’s progress. But again, when we go back to talking about our own growth and development as human beings. We have to get to a place where we’re looking at one end of the spectrum and saying, “Well, let’s deal with this with some reflection and dialogue and some reconciliation, and let’s all grow together and move on. And then I’ll think we’ll be making progress.”

Such horribleness! And in addition he mentioned that he would be willing to work with a person accused of alleged sexual misconduct on a case by case basis, if he felt there were no grounds or if the allegations were not serious. But how dare he state that there is a difference between rape or child molestation and a pat in the butt! And how dare he even ever speak to a person again if an allegation has been mouthed! His ex-girlfriend and costar in “Good Will Hunting”, Minnie Driver replied in disgust: “Gosh it’s so interesting (profoundly unsurprising) how men with all these opinions about women’s differentiation between sexual misconduct, assault and rape reveal themselves to be utterly tone deaf and as a result, systemically part of the problem.” And there is more: “I honestly think that until we get on the same page, you can’t tell a woman about their abuse. A man cannot do that. No one can. It is so individual and so personal, it’s galling when a powerful man steps up and starts dictating the terms, whether he intends it or not.” And more: “I felt that what Matt Damon was saying was an Orwellian idea, we are all equal except that some us are more equal than others,” she said. “Put abuse in there … that all abuse is equal but some is worse.” She added: “There is no hierarchy of abuse – that if a woman is raped [it] is much worse than if woman has a penis exposed to her that she didn’t want or ask for … you cannot tell those women that one is supposed to feel worse than the other. And it certainly can’t be prescribed by a man. The idea of tone deafness is the idea there [is] no equivalency. How about: it’s all fucking wrong and it’s all bad, and until you start seeing it under one umbrella it’s not your job to compartmentalize or judge what is worse and what is not. Let women do the speaking up right now. The time right now is for men just to listen and not have an opinion about it for once.” “Men can rally and they can support, but I don’t think it is appropriate, per se, for men to have an opinion about how women should be metabolizing abuse. Ever.”

Seriously? Is this not the epitome of sexual discrimination, something society has been fighting against: If you are a man you are not entitled to have an opinion, just because of your gender? Hello? Men have no opinion on what happens to their mothers, daughters, friends, wives? And what happened to “You are innocent until proven guilty”, the basis of our justice system and our whole civilization? Dustin Hoffman attacked about his alleged behavior over forty years ago, George Lassiter of Pixar fame, the maker of all those lovely sweet movies losing his job because of hugging his employees? Meryl Steep demonized because she was friends with Harvey Weinstein and declared that she had never been abused by him and didn’t know? Hundreds of people losing their jobs, ostracized and disgraced by unproven allegations, their families and friends afraid to even express doubt over the allegations, lest they be attacked and ostracized themselves? Where is our society going? McCarthyism was way milder than this, at least if you were

accused of being a communist back then there would be an inquiry and they would ask you questions regardless of whether your answers would be believed or not!

Will I be attacked as well, because I am daring to raise concern about our direction as a society and I happen to have a penis? How dare I speak or even have an opinion! Am I also at fault at what Harvey Weinstein did, just because I am of the male gender and liked his movies? I don’t even know the guy!

Men cannot have a business meeting with a woman and close the door of their office, children are being expelled from school because of inappropriate behavior, mere looks are being censored and condemned, every kind of touch may be inappropriate without anybody knowing it, since too many hugs can lose you your job, any kind of relationship in the workplace can bring charges of sexual harassment and misconduct, consensual relationships may turn nasty after the fact because if a woman regrets it and did not like the sex after deciding to partake in it, it is rape! Women and men have been going out forever to drink and pick up partners, because with a little alcohol inside us we relax our insecurities and inhibitions, but now if you had a few drinks with a woman before sex you have taken advantage of her and abused her because she was drunk, and you can be accused of rape! And you don’t even have to have had actual sex, because it is all the same, a suggestive look and a brutal rape, there is no spectrum of behavior, there is no difference and anybody who says otherwise should be ashamed of themselves and go to a maximum security prison for thirty years, same as a child molester and so should anybody suggesting that this is not only wrong, but completely against our justice system and our civilization. In the UK, droves of members of Parliament and officials resign over “touching a woman on the knee fleetingly”, proposing to a female colleague that they might be interested in being surrogate mothers for their wife who is sterile and thus making them uncomfortable, and all other kinds of alleged monstrous crimes.

Sir Ian McKellen, best known for his role as Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings movies has been attacked as well, for saying that “Of course, people taking advantage of their power is utterly reprehensible, wherever it happens,” adding: “People must be called out and it’s sometimes very difficult for victims to do that. I hope we’re going through a period that will help to eradicate [abuse] altogether”. But then he went on to describe his experiences in the theatre world during the early ’60s, appearing to suggest that some women were willing to have sex with directors in order to secure a role. He said: “From my own experience, when I was starting acting in the early 1960s, the director of the theatre I was working at showed me some photographs he got from women who were wanting jobs – they were actors. Some of them had, at the bottom of their photograph, DRR — ‘directors’ rights respected’. In other words, if you give me a job, you can have sex with me. That was commonplace from people who proposed that they should be a victim. Madness. People have taken advantage of that and encouraged it and it absolutely will not do.”

Such a desire and an admiration for victimhood! As if women cannot say no, and actually do! We are creating a society where every man is by definition suspect, regardless of the fact that all these men are some woman’s sons, brothers, fathers, uncles, friends and partners. They are all despicable and should never speak again, just lay immersed in their shame and guilt! Every man is an abuser, and the only way to survive social disgrace and much worse is to agree, to be quiet, to repent, to rush to confess full of regret and to attack every other man. Flirting is now a crime, looking at a woman with sexual interest is equivalent to rape, paying a compliment is a demeaning crime.

But we all forget, and most of all women who condemn men for viewing them as “sexual objects”, “like pieces of meat”, that books like 50 shades of Grey where women are actually abused (albeit consensually)

are bestsellers, mostly to women! Movies like “Love Actually” are huge successes despite being all about sexual misconduct and harassment, depicting a British Prime Minister coming on to his assistant, a writer falling in love with his maid and so much more. Every romantic movie ever made would be deemed inappropriate in today’s frenzy. Try to think of one that wouldn’t.

What will happen when men will avoid looking or speaking to women, when they will be afraid to approach them, when whole generations will be raised to avoid any kind of touch, even a simple hug or a touch in the shoulder as inappropriate? What will happen if the romantic impulsive kiss that has moved every woman in every movie or novel no longer exists? What will happen when every joke is inappropriate because somebody might be offended, and joking no longer exists? What will happen to old Charlie Chaplin or Mister Bean movies that make fun of poverty, of misfortune or accidents when they are deemed inappropriate? What will happen when every child has learned the skill of being offended? What will happen when we all avoid human contact and each other? What will happen when no kind of spontaneity exists because somebody may find it offensive and inappropriate? Actually, it is already happening.

In fundamentalist Iran, men and women are protected from their “inherent depravity and immorality” by wearing head to toe burkas, by being chaperoned and never alone in the presence of each other, by Sharia laws that put their very lives in danger. In the western world, men can no longer be alone in the office with a woman with a door closed, any comment or touch can bring on a lawsuit, let alone a compliment or a joke, looks are censored and condemned, men in Sweden change sidewalks when a lone woman approaches lest they make her feel uncomfortable and unsafe, catcalls can get young men arrested and it keeps getting worse and worse. Women dress up provocatively because they naturally want to feel attractive and to make men want them, tattoos on the top of their ass, miniskirts and exposed thongs, and men are guilty for looking at them like a sex object? This is the very idea! Are we regressing more than fundamentalist societies? Are we on a path to live a life of timid and terrified nothingness, a grotesque “Big Sister” scenario in this new version of Orwellian 1984? In the film “Demolition man” a society is shown where ATM like machines in every corner fine people for swearing and profanity and people have virtual sex through computerized helmets, never touching each other. Is this what we are heading towards? Are women destined to never see desire and passion in a man’s eyes ever again in their lives and live alone, scared victims of their own success in eradicating the most beautiful ritual of nature, that between the female provoking and the male pursuing and conquering? Is this what we want, mistrust and anger between men and women instead of oneness and closeness?

Of course there are genuine cases of sexual misconduct, abuse and harassment as well as rape and coercion. And we should protect every real victim. But do we really want to expand this to every modality of human interaction, to bunch them all up into a universal witch hunt and condemnation, ostracism and isolation? Beware of the success of the #MeToo movement, because it will leave nobody untouched, turning all women into victims and all men into guilty, shameful perpetrators for their sexuality, destroying attraction, flirtation and eventually, romantic love itself, turning all of us into frightened, introverted, solitary people. It will be a very lonely, empty existence.

Comments

  1. Yeah. Not only is this an unreadable piece of shit (literally – your blog design is awful), but it’s a discompassionate whine from an out of touch male. You’re part of the problem.

    As part of the movement I have never felt more empowered and less like a victim, and I speak for the dozens of women I communicate with.

    The only person who sees us as victims is YOU. A bit late, dude.

    Shame on you. This is clickbait rubbish to stroke male ego.

    Pfft.

    1. Author

      This type of aggression, anger and militancy is exactly what this article is about. It is about men and women coming closer to approach and resolve these issues, rather than engage in rabid and offensive hate campaigns. Make love not war. Men and women are not enemies, we are all human beings, and together we can work things out, and this is what Matt Damon talked about and got attacked by an equally aggressive, militant and offensive group of people. There is no reason if you disagree to call our blog “an unreadable piece of shit” and to attack the writer on a personal level. The writer expresses the concern of a group of people, including many women.

  2. Do the views and opinions presented in this piece represent that of Tierra Mitica or its leaders generally?

  3. have definitely enjoyed the writings that have come from your Terra Mitica peeps. But this one definitely missed the mark for me in so many ways…. Firstly, the confusion over what sexual harassment is, is a cop-out. Holding the door for a date or buying a meal for a colleague…. ARE VERY DIFFERENT behaviours to making obscene sexual remarks or pressing a dick or vagina up against someone without consent. For me, the author came across as out of touch and defensive.

    I also disagreed with how the piece drew comparisons between the #metoo movement and sweeping mob mentality. I found it distasteful to conjure up images of KKK and concentration camps and then draw comparisons with individuals calling out acts of sexual harassment and abuse under the hashtag of #metoo. I feel the author has missed the boat completely.

    Discrediting stories of sexual harassment and abuse limit our ability to trust survivors, further marginalizing them. The #metoo movement serves as a clear demonstration of how women and men can work together to disrupt behaviours of sexual harassment, and this includes validating a survivors account.

    Transforming the power structures in our culture that enable sexual harassment is critical to addressing the issue. Having limited viewpoints, “a few bad apples” in a sea of great people misses that this is a systemic problem.

    We owe the women and men of #Metoo our gratitude. I feel this writing takes away from our current level of awareness.

    Recognizing the root of problem is where perhaps the author and I differ?? The arguments laid out imply that the movement marginalizes men and masculinity and sexuality as well?

    I question the writers views towards sexual consent. Red flags went off especially reading reflections on sex and drinking and consent. The conclusion that I draw is that the author believes sexuality cannot thrive WITHOUT sexual harassment? Say what?!

    It was hard not to respond after reading.

    I see an array of awesomeness and open space coming from the cultural shift that #MeToo movement initiated. The writer speaks a lot of the entertainment industry. Moving forward, I see that media/ entertainment have a vital role to play providing more women and men opportunities to openly discuss sexual harassment as well as discussing what we, as a society respect, admire and aspire to be.

    Sexual harassment is a symptom of the inequity. It takes everyone, men and women to call it out, listen to it and develop thoughtful solutions to address it.

    1. Author

      Thank you for your comment, one of the few adverse reactions that is not offensive and aggressive and actually presents an intelligent opinion instead of hate mail (reading other comments you can understand why I parallelize some parts of the movement with mob mentality or the KKK). Actually, we agree on several things, although at first sight it might not seem so. You mention “Holding the door for a date or buying a meal for a colleague…. ARE VERY DIFFERENT behaviours to making obscene sexual remarks or pressing a dick or vagina up against someone without consent.” So you agree that there is a spectrum of behavior and not all things can be bunched under a generalized umbrella, so you must consequently agree that pressing a dick or vagina against someone without their consent is not the same as rape and paedophilia. You cannot treat someone who has made an obscene remark or pressed uninvited against another person with the same anger as someone who opened a door for a woman or told her she is sexy, and you cannot treat any of them the same way as a child molester or a rapist.
      Second part where we agree is where you say “providing more women and men opportunities to openly discuss sexual harassment as well as discussing what we, as a society respect, admire and aspire to be. Sexual harassment is a symptom of the inequity. It takes everyone, men and women to call it out, listen to it and develop thoughtful solutions to address it.” So you agree that it is preposterous to declare that man are not entitled to an opinion and they should shut up because they are not even entitled to comment or participate in the discussion.
      We also agree is that “Discrediting stories of sexual harassment and abuse limit our ability to trust survivors, further marginalizing them.” And including in the MeToo movement ridiculous stories about “he fleetingly touched my knee and I have been traumatized ever since” or ” he dared to tell me I am beautiful” discredits and marginalizes the multitude of legitimate complaints.
      Where we mainly disagree is that ” the confusion over what sexual harassment is, is a cop-out.” Because this the subject of the article; the widening of the definition of sexual harassment and the vagueness surrounding it, turning everything into something inappropriate and transforming our society and human relations into an ultra sensitive, puritanical, frightened and distant society that creates irrational victim hood and rage. We need to be able to define as a society what we consider actually constitutes sexual harassment and what not, so that we know the rules of the game and can comply and adapt to it. And the definition of sexual harassment is crucial for me to answer whether I believe that sexuality cannot thrive without “sexual harassment”. Because if the definition of sexual harassment is touching your date’s hand without written permission, this is definitely the case.
      Another place where we disagree is the use of the word “survivors” that has a specific meaning in the english language, it means saving your life. I doubt anyone’s life has been in danger by hearing an obscene comment or seeing an unwanted penis or having somebody press their groin against them. Psychological survival from say, a rape attack is understandable and valid, but definitely not from a catcall or a comment.

  4. This is really gross. And I’m dumbfounded to find it here. It sounds like it was written by a straight white rich man whose never attempted to see how the patriarchy oppresses women, how sexualized microaggreassions (like unwanted bum slaps or brushes against her body on the bus) pile up in a woman’s experience year after year and can often culminate in a generalized anxiety and fear for her safety.

    “Coming out” as a woman whose been abused or harassed to the point of feeling unsafe is an incredibly brave thing to do because it’s humiliating. It’s not a club anyone wants to be in.

    You want to say that there are women who make this up to spite a man. Ok. With 7 or 8 billion people I’m sure it’s happened. But that’s like taking revenge on your boyfriend by running through town naked. It’s humiliating and it leaves you vulnerable and, well, naked.

    #MeToo is about no longer suffering in silence. And it’s about men getting the opportunity to see how the behaviours that they may have considered harmless or even “romantic” can have a cumulative damaging affect if unwanted. It’s about women asking men to listen to our experience so that we can come together, united, with all genders, to really see the forces of the patriarchy that grows men who abuse women and to work to bring this awareness to all, so that we can bring each other into the light.

    I have been following Tierra Mitica for a few years now as a very dear friend has joined your family and I love everything else I’ve read on this site. I’ve had attending a ChoiceOS workshop on my priority list since you started offering them. But I just can’t fit this narrow perspective into what I thought I knew about Tierra Mitica. How is it possible that you could write essentially a hate peice in the name of love?

    1. Author

      What exactly is gross? To start with, I am straight and a man, but not rich by any means and kinda dark brown. Is there a reason to stereotype people without knowing them?. Is it gross that I agree with you that “we can come together, united, with all genders?” Should the male gender have an opinion or should they shut up? So can we disagree that patriarchy oppresses women and grows men who abuse women? Because any scientist will tell you that social system are born for survival and patriarchy has been there for thousands of years because it was the right system for species survival and the creation of our civilization. It is no longer current in the contemporary world where physical survival is largely no longer the prevailing issue of society, and that is why it is changing, and rightly so. But it has brought us here. Is it not right that we should solve these issues in collaboration rather than gender war? Is it not right that we, as a society should agree on what constitutes sexual harassment and not leave it to vague and ever widening interpretation? And is it not right that allegations should be checked and substantiated and not allow witch hunts against people, respecting the principle of civilized society of “innocent until proven guilty? Is it not right that we cannot treat a lewd comment same as a brutal rape? Is it not right that we should not allow people to lose their jobs on vague allegations they deny? Is it not right that even if there are some cases among the 7 billion people as you accept where an allegation has been made out of spite, or for blackmail and monetary gain, or for free publicity and self importance, that these unjustly accused people deserve as much protection as the victims of harassment? What is gross? and what makes this a hate piece?

  5. I have several things I want to say and I hope I can say them in a way that will be heard and understood.

    I do not think the #MeToo movement and all its outcomes is creating a victim mentality for women (and men), quite the opposite. When I watched the first days of the movement I thought….. Wow, I can see these women set free like birds from their very own rib cages. The power of the collective let the individual voices be heard. It was a booming “I am not the only one, I am not to blame”. It released them from victimhood and often from years of silence and self loathing. I also saw many of the men take responsibility for their behavior and some expressed remorse for the impact on their families as well. A few days in there were 5 million hits and 12 million posts/comments and it is only the tip of a very large iceberg that has been there forever.

    You said “of course there are genuine cases of sexual misconduct, abuse and harassment as well as rape and coercion. And we should protect every real victim.” This is exactly what #MeToo this is all about!
    The MeToo movement began 10 years ago by Tarana Burke as a way to help young women of color who had survived sexual abuse, assault and exploitation. “On one side it’s a bold statement that I am not ashamed and I am not alone. On the other side, it’s a statement from a survivor that says “I see you, I hear you, I understand you and I am here for you and I get it.” (Tarana Burk). According to Burk it radicalized the idea of mass healing. Mass healing, not mass victimization.

    Coming forth with a sexual harassment charge is a huge decision and never done lightly for dozens of reasons; you have to be prepared to leave your job, find another one, pay the rent/legal fees, deal with possible threats to your career, relationships and safety.

    Employers don’t fire employees from jobs without reasonable evidence and balancing the safety risks. There is always the 5% plus/minus of the population that will misuse any system; the legal system, welfare system, corporate and personal tax system and real-estate deals etc. Given this, do we re-victimize the other 95% by with our disbelief and minimization? I vote for creating supportive systems, empowerment and letting people move on with their lives.

    Movements such as the Suffragette, Civil Rights, and Anti-War Movements were populated by large groups of people who worked for decades and decades and pushed and pushed the issues forward saying this must change, we all must have the same rights, opportunities and respect. Movements create this kind of change, not individuals, and during the process there is always push back and questions about how to behave in the new world with new rules.

    It is shocking and inaccurate to compare this movement and the reference to “mob mentality” with the Holocaust, Ku Klux Klan and your other examples. It appears you view the men as being rounded up as the victims by the mob of women in this movement.

    Women and men want sexual harassment to stop. Yes means yes and No means no. This is one piece of many interlinking issues being addressed over past decades which include domestic violence, pay equity, glass ceilings, bullying etc. These issues are systemic and both complex and complicated.

    This supports healthier relationships and societies.

    What does a healthy relationship look like, feel like?

    How do you recognize when your power is being taken away or someone uses their power over you and how to do you keep yourself safe?

    How do we listen and respond to other’s experiences? How do we share our stories so we all feel safe?

    How do we collectively create lasting change based on values of equality and social justice?

    I do not think #MeToo it is dividing women and men nor the ability of people to form loving intimate relationships with each other. I believe this movement will move us forward and away from secrecy, self blame, shame and feelings of powerlessness. It will create new dialogue around sexual harassment and sexual assault, violence, new policies and safety protocols and new behaviors for the future. It will eventually create more safety for women and men and it probably already has.

    1. Author

      The cornerstone of a civilized justice system is that everybody is innocent until proven guilty. When people lose their jobs and reputations, are vilified and attacked publicly over unproven allegations sometimes concerning events 10, 20, 30 or over 40 years ago as happened to Dustin Hoffman, Michael Douglass and many others this becomes a witch hunt and the KKK analogy fully stands. For proven allegations it is a totally different stories. Most of the allegations lately do not concern any kind of violence or coercion, merely theoretical and unproven unwanted sexual advances. This is ridiculous and is a danger to society. As long as women can say no, women are safe. For cases where a women cannot say no, we are 100% behind the MeToo movement, our article is about unproven and ridiculously puritanical and fanatical allegations.

  6. There is a witch hunt going on. They want geld all the males . THE men are responsible for this because they sit back and let it happen.

  7. it’s already too late, men are leaving the room. Society is crumbling, because while 50% of the population have built it and are required to maintain it, the other 50% are the only ones allowed to truly benefit from it, but refuse any responsibility to it. When men no longer have a stake in building and protecting society, they walk away. Women have self-sabotaged themselves into a dark, gadget-less world, it is just looming on the horizon. No man of any real worth will fight to defend people whom have maltreated him from birth. simply because of his gender. Feminism is the definition of sexism, I don’t give two shits what the dictionary definition is

    1. Author

      Thank you for your comment. However, falling into the same kind of anger and war of the sexes kind of mentality, validates the excesses of the MeToo movement and every other kind of angry fanaticism. It is preposterous for women to be at war against men, and equally preposterous for men to be at war and angry against women. Your anger, my friend, is very similar to the one criticized in the article. We are one species and every man has mothers, sisters and daughters, and every woman has sons, fathers and brothers. We should be allies, not enemies, all of us on the same side, and that side should not be the side of any kind of anger.

  8. I am a woman and I find that this #METOO wave is way out of hand. It’s like we are regressing. As a people, we had the lynch mob where someone’s life would be destroyed based on accusation. We supposedly saw the brutality and inaccuracy of that so we declared the rule of law and that all are innocent until proven guilty. Now, I am deeply troubled to see that this so-called movement is bringing us back to the days of the angry mob. I find it disturbing that whole lives, careers and reputations are being obliterated by unproven allegations. This destruction is even happening in some cases where men are not even being granted the right to face their accusers, another right that is guaranteed to a defendant by the justice system. My feelings, let’s prove these facts in a court of law, whether criminally or in a civil matter. I fear that many accusers are circumventing the criminal justice system (where facts and evidence are required) and going straight for the court of public opinion via the media and/or social media. Am I saying that every woman that comes out with an accusation is lying? No. That being said, I do not automatically believe every accuser is telling the truth either. People, both men and women, lie! That is a fact. Just think of all the people out there, we’ve all heard of at least one, who have lied about having cancer or being homeless; using sob stories to swindle money out of the empathetic public at large. Having a vagina does not prevent a person from exaggerating or flat out lying. I resent the fact that the #MeToo movement is attempting to strong arming us into blind belief. The reality is, when an accusation surfaces, no one really knows what happened with the exception of the people who were present at the time. This is why we have a legal system, complete with professionals, who prove or disprove the allegations. I know that none of us would want our fate determined by an angry mob, whether male or female. We would not want that for our loved ones. What I am advocating is not blind belief of either side, but fairness. Get the accusations on public record and give the accused the right to face their accusers and defend themselves. Punish criminal behaviour upon conviction. Fairness. That is how our society is supposed to work. Do we want that or do we want mob rule again?

    I know that many will call me a self hating woman and that’s cool. It’s all noise because the truth is, that’s just a deflection. The truth is I am a strong, single, independent woman of color who thinks for herself and rejects the sheep mentality. I am also a woman who has endured sexual assault and harassment and as such, I do not appreciate this movement diluting and distracting attention and resources from actual victims of sexual crimes. By the way, I’ve gotta say, if a man flashes his penis at you, walk away. Report it if you’re at work. Press charges. Have him prosecuted. Just stop calling yourself a survivor. You did not survive anything. You endured it but your life was never in danger! Let’s cool down the on the rhetoric and get back to common sense, facts, fairness and the rule of law.

    1. Author

      Well said! Your comment is refreshing to read, we feel exactly the same. Thank you very much for sharing.

  9. Largely agree with your article regarding our society treating women as victims and the absolute need to protect them as projected by lobbying groups the legislatures and the sensationalized stories in the media. This has happened to the point of injecting bias against males into our laws and equating all men as victimizing, violent aggressors and always under suspicion of committing heinous acts against women and children.

    Thus we have “Just say no” it could have been spoken, could be implied, could be re-thought the next day! But the results the same – if the women decides she didn’t like it; the man is charged! Then the law that says a man that has any contact with a women when she is drinking is guilty of assault. As if she becomes like a child that needs protection. Then there is “Must Arrest” laws generated by the women’s movement directed at men. Laws on stalking, TROs, and even guilt assumed if a man is only accused of any crime against a women!. Absurd, and incredibly biased. And yet this mental illness continues in the conscious everyday! It has culminated with the #MeToo movement the degree to which some women demand attention and the absurd level of reporting of abuse at the mere contact of a man!

    Where I beg to differ is that Patriarchy does not lead to or cause abuse, it is the entitlement given by absolute power that leads to abuses. Because if the person in power man or women feels their power over the person or people when they are in control they feel entitled to do what they want! Which is exactly what the women’s movement and this matriarchal movement has been doing over the last 20 years. When you look back over what has been done with the bias in our laws over this period of time you will see what their intentions are and it is no better, maybe worse than what has occurred under the so called “Patriarchal society.”

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