[Homodelectus]

Your chosen name and your chosen belief system are your identity, who you choose to be, the expression of your soul. You should not allow anybody to force you to relinquish them or hide them. All of us are needy for love, and many times we pretend or accept and hide or beliefs so that other people will like us, and then the love we receive is fake, because it refers to the person other people want us to be rather than the one we choose to be. You should dare to talk about this, declare your choices, including the name you wish to be called by. If the people in your surroundings love you, they will understand, and if they do not, you should not wish their love.
You deserve to be loved for who you are, and who you are is a reflection of your choices. If anybody does not agree, they do not deserve you. If you pretend to be someone you are not to gain people’s love, you will always suffer from paradox and be miserable.

[Ariella]

Hello! They did start calling me Ariella at least sometimes, but I am going to be clear next time that it’s necessary ALL of the time. Everyone else in my family does, it is only my aunt and uncle resisting. The only confusion I still have, is in that moment, if I had rejected Christianity, that would have caused a lot of conflict and hindered my ability to relate to these people in all the other ways that I love. These are people I have had a very good relationship with in the past. By the end of the week we had a lot of fun and I’m not sure that would have happened if I had rejected Christianity. They would have gone into convert-mode. That’s not to say I didn’t stand up for what I believe in, I just kept it within a container that a Christian Fundamentalist mindset can relate to. If I had been more clear in that instance I don’t feel it would have served my happiness… Do you think it would have? I don’t think this is coming from a needy place, I feels more like me dealing with people who are in the paradox and learning how to relate with them (and still LOVE them) in a way that doesn’t create unnecessary tension. In this case, the paradox is appearing as Christianity, but even with friends the paradox can appear in much the same way Christianity does…. What do you do to relate with loved ones who are of different faiths? Thank you for your replies as always. Love, Ariella 🙂

[TyyClark]

Hi Homodelectians!!! I have a few new questions and topics of interest. Lets start with my latest exploration.

1: heres my proposition: TRUSTING IS MAKING A NON-FEAR BASED ASSUMPTION. (???) in the book “the 4 agreements” 1 of the agreements is “dont make assumptions”… but we make them all the time. I would say “dont make fear based assumptions” is a better agreement, wouldnt you? I trust the floor of bedroom is going to support my weight when i get out of bed, otherwise i would constantly be marshmellow footing my way around! same thing as ASSUMING the floor is going to hold my weight. right? both, this kind of assumtion and trusting, are filling in the unknown future with a belief that creates a feeling of peace.

a contextual example from my life: My friend recently lost his job, and was saying “I fucked up, I assumed I would continue with my job after this probationary period, because all the feedback (that I got from my bosses, co-workers etc) implied that it was obvious i would stay. but then later in the same conversation he said: “good thing i trusted my bosses judgment about me even though i got fired because according to the accounting of trust it was still the best choice.” this struck a chord in me… in this context trusting and assuming are the same thing. therefore, this is a paradox actually! Thoughts?

2a: This question is regarding #15 – how can i Love myself, and how to I measure my love toward others.

Im seeking the answer to this pillar: How do I increase my love and compassion for others?

Heres where I need clarity: If someone has no traits apparent to feel proud of, I still want to love them, because they are a human who is living life to the best of their ability relative to their state of awareness, and wants to be happy like all of us. is it not true that love/compassion can exist without pride? to illustrate this point, a new born baby has achieved no accomplishments except for surviving birth, yet everyone adores a new baby for their pure, sweet, innocent cuteness. there is love simply for their state of being, rather than any notable acomplishment. isn’t there a baseline level of love we can have for all humans regardless of how great or poor their choices are, just simply for being human? For the sake of loving them and feeling them as my brother or sister?

b) on the topic of compassion. where does self compassion fit in? What I mean by self compassion is, a feeling of nurturing care, understanding and patience with oneself. Since its not about the position its about the direction, learning from mistakes quickly and then making a choice to make myself proud again seems to happen so quickly that If self compassion comes in, its brief, because I just make a better choice and feel instantly more proud. also, if you have a different or better definition for compassion, lets hear it!

3: in the book “A mythic Voyage, when talking about the soul, it is stated that even rocks have a soul. my question: What choices does a rock make to elicit a soul? id love to know for the sake of clarity about if, and if so, to what degree they have a soul.

THANKS!!!
BIG HUGS
-Tyy

[Homodelectus]

Hi Tyy. Sorry for the delay in my response.
1. Everything that we are is based on our belief systems that control how we think, feel, experience reality and act. To start with, the first agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz’s book is “Be impeccable with your word”. The “Don’t make assumptions” is agreement No.3, but this is a later modification and a variation in the translation. The original text is “Have no expectations” and is a more correct translation in context . Assumptions in this case means expectations.
Assumption in English is a low level of belief; although it is a “truth” taken for granted it includes no real due diligence and can be easily challenged because it is a non conscious belief. Trust is a fully conscious choice of beliefs. Beliefs come in different levels of intensity all the way to dogma and even further to a taboo. In your example of the floor, if you are in a cabin in the woods and the owner tells you “watch out for the floor, it is rotten and it may break”, your belief is shattered immediately! But trust is the opposite, it goes against data or people’s opinion, and as such is totally different than arbitrary assumptions.
In the example of your friend and his job, he either chose to selectively register compliments and not register warnings, thus becoming complacent or he didn’t get the job for reasons irrelevant to him such as economic issues with the company, policy changes etc. (2nd agreement: “do not take anything personally). In both cases the correct translation of the 3rd agreement applies “Have no expectations”. Your friend should trust his abilities but make no assumptions and have no expectations. Trust and Assumption are not the same in any way.
2a. Pride is a choice like anything else. I remember a story I heard when I was a child about a friend’s father and his own father’s expectations. My friend’s father, Albert went to study in England at the same University where his father had studied. Back then, 70 years ago, travel was difficult so he was away from home for 4 years. He eventually came back home with a BSC with Honours First class. He was welcomed in the train station by his father and all of the family, aunts, uncles etc. included. He alights from the train after 4 years and his father slaps him hard in the face and says: “This is for not achieving valedictorian. Now embrace your father!” Pride does not require any specific achievements, everyone puts the bar according to how much they wish to open their hearts.
2b. I have never mentioned the concept of compassion in any of my books, but for the sake of conversation, compassion is feeling what the other person feels. In the case of self love, self love comes from being proud of ourselves, thus loving ourselves, being one with ourselves . Self compassion is an instrument of separation, because who is compassionate with whom? Which part of you is the judge, needing to have compassion for the other, the judged?
3. Rocks have infinitesimal choice as far as any observational power you have as a human. It has some choice as everything but a severely limited choice, a choice on a subatomic, quantic level. According to quantum physics even tiny electrons have choice, and thus the subatomic elements of the rock endow it with choice. But this choice is infinitesimal, in the same way as if the same stone is thrown from the top of the mountain there is a choice, a probability that it will go up and not down due to gravity and Newtonian physics, but for all intents and purposes it is extremely unlikely that in your lifetime you will see a stone doing exactly that.

[TyyClark]

great, thank you! Everything makes sense to me here except for these:

2a: if everyone puts the bar according to how much they wish to open their hearts, meaning I choose what to be proud of in others, if someone does poorly, I can choose to be proud of them for “trying their relative best in this moment” even if its not anywhere near their potential? another way to help me understand this would be: how would you answer this pillar: How do I increase my love and compassion for others?

2b: I dont think so, or else the pillar “I” make “MYSELF” proud” or how do “I” love “MYSELF”… how is it different from self love, self pride, self worth etc??? in order to explain an internal action you make towards yourself you need to mention yourself twice in it because you are both the giver and receiver. correct?