Anonymous
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In reply to: Help topic
Hello! They did start calling me Ariella at least sometimes, but I am going to be clear next time that it’s necessary ALL of the time. Everyone else in my family does, it is only my aunt and uncle resisting. The only confusion I still have, is in that moment, if I had rejected Christianity, that would have caused a lot of conflict and hindered my ability to relate to these people in all the other ways that I love. These are people I have had a very good relationship with in the past. By the end of the week we had a lot of fun and I’m not sure that would have happened if I had rejected Christianity. They would have gone into convert-mode. That’s not to say I didn’t stand up for what I believe in, I just kept it within a container that a Christian Fundamentalist mindset can relate to. If I had been more clear in that instance I don’t feel it would have served my happiness… Do you think it would have? I don’t think this is coming from a needy place, I feels more like me dealing with people who are in the paradox and learning how to relate with them (and still LOVE them) in a way that doesn’t create unnecessary tension. In this case, the paradox is appearing as Christianity, but even with friends the paradox can appear in much the same way Christianity does…. What do you do to relate with loved ones who are of different faiths? Thank you for your replies as always. Love, Ariella 🙂
In reply to: Help topic
Hey! I just want to give an update and say that I untangled myself and I feel pretty darn good now! HURRAY! I was able to dive deeper today with my Aunt when her and I had some one on one time — what came out was amazing. True love. It is such a gift to feel somebody, to really feel them. When somebody lets you feel them. Anyways, I’m still open to hearing thoughts on a situation like the one previously mentioned. 🙂 Much love!
In reply to: Help topic
Christianity! So far in my trip to Brazil I have been able to engage conversations about the bible and spirituality without compromising any of my values. However, I am spending the week with a particularly fundamentalist part of the family. Though I love them dearly, and we can have SO much fun when the conversation is not about religion, the few times it has turned religious I feel I am under interrogation, and it is like talking to the paradox not to my family. One example is, because my views are so compassionate (wanting happiness for all) they think I don’t read the bible enough. Which for them, I don’t. Though there is much I disagree with in the bible, there are parts I have read that I can agree with and find beautiful, especially when taken for symbolic meaning. Through focusing on what we all agree on I have been able to make some good bridges. Today was harder. They asked me if I had been baptised and believed Christ was my saviour. I feel my name-change at Tierra Mitica was a baptism – I got drenched in rose-water and vowed to adopt not only a new name, but a whole new happiness-centred operating system with which to work in the world. So I answered yes without much paradoxical feeling. But when it came to the Christ question, I felt paradox. I knew that If I said no, I don’t believe in original sin, I believe every baby has the potential to be as mythical as Christ, I would be dealing with days of questions, suspicion, pressure to convert, and in many ways rejection. I decided to answer yes for in my heart I feel Christ is a symbol of pure love consciousness and I am in agreement that love conciousness saves lives. However, I know my family is thinking of Christ differently, so it felt paradoxical. like I was drawing weak parallels from my beleifs to theirs in order to avoid attack. I decided in that moment it did not serve my happiness to reveal more about my beliefs, it would ruin my week with them if they saw me as a non-beleiver. Letting them perceive me as Chrisitan has helped us all have more love in the room. I also thought that since they haven’t seen me in 10 years, it is best to slowly reveal myself — after all I’m not out to convince them of anything any more than I want them to convince me of anything. I even feel happy to accept that I can have a perfectly good relationship with them and avoid broaching these topics. The paradox I feel is I wish that I could be totally honest and accepted for my spirituality, but the reality is that being totally honest isn’t safe or smart for me in this instance. So yes, Is their a better option here that serves the Golden Line? Or have I been doing a good job navigating these tricky waters? Also, these are the only people who are having a hard time calling me Ariella. It is my Dad’s brother and his wife, and their two young children. They told the children that Ariella is my other name, and in their minds they are saying that it’s too hard to explain to the very young children (3 and 7 year old) that I changed my name, they want to slowly ease into it. They have always talked about me as “Hebecca” to the kids. I also think they feel sad, like so much changed and now they hardly know me. So holding onto a bit of the old is comforting to them. I think the reason these people are having the hardest time accepting this, is because they really loved me as Hebecca. They were my favorite family. My uncle Shalom was like a father figure to me and always gave me fatherly love when I visited Brazil as a teenager. They also to this day call my father on his bad behavior and stand up for me. I feel a little sad when I hear my old name, but I also FEEL them, and all I want is peace here. I don’t mind hearing Hebecca for a week if it means nurturing this very important relationship to me. I trust that in time everyone will be on board with Ariella, after all they are open to it. I am happy they are at least tying to introduce the new name to the kids. I look forward to reading your reply. With so much love, Ariella!
In reply to: Help topic
In reply to: Help topic
Hello everyone!
The person in my life I have the least understanding and love with is my father. I would like help relating to him better. I feel a paradox because while I want to have a loving connection with him, many times I leave our engagements feeling unfulfilled or sad. To give you an idea of his participation in my life, he did not visit me once in 5 years while I lived on Vancouver Island, though I invited him and lived but a half day journey away. Instead I visited him whenever time and money permitted. Also when I posted videos of my songs he said my music is not his style and for this reason he didn’t attend one show while I lived in Vancouver years ago. He also has a tendency to back out of commitments. For example, he offered for me to stay with him for a month or two in order to have a landing spot to better seek employment and housing in Vancouver, and then backed out when he found out my Grandfather had bought me a ticket to Brazil without his permission. In his mind it is something he wants to be consulted on – he said he would rather me not return to Brazil until I have a university degree. Even though I explained to him the importance of family to me and also that I would rather study privately and take small courses that directly support my career-choice as a singer songwriter and music producer. While he has offered to help me pay for a university degree, when I asked him for help paying for private piano and voice lessons he did not help, and also claimed that helping me purchase recording equipment was not a “good investment.” When I feel him, I see that he wants me to have a happy life and be financially well-off, which in his mind is easier attained by careers like law, teaching, or medicine. As a child he was raised in a very wealthy family and had everything paid for him (even an apartment purchased for him) so he could have every amenity as he pursued his career in computer programming. He hints that when I am closer to him again in Vancouver he will try to connect more and I would like to believe that. Where I am at right now is choosing to continue to love him and try to relate without the expectation of financial support or even that he will enjoy my music. If either happen – GREAT! But if not, no worries! I am happy to provide for myself. I imagine once I have my first album out and fully produced he will at least be somewhat impressed because I believe fathers want to see focus, and I have been unfocused and depressed in previous years, and only had a half-assed commitment to my music. Of course since the Mythic Voyage I feel differently. My question is, if he continues to say un-supportive things at what point do I draw the line? And how do I draw it? Before I flew to Brazil he told me that he wasn’t going to make any sacrifices for me. Which I responded to with “That’s wonderful, I wouldn’t want you to sacrifice anything for me, loving is not a sacrifice.” And I gave him the best goodbye hug I could muster! But I was still confused as to the relevance of such a comment! So yes, what are my blind spots here? What am I believing that is screwing me up? I feel my inner-child desiring to be seen and held by him, but countless times he has hurt me in my most vulnerable moments. Since being in Brazil everyone is very supportive of my choices. My Grandmother says that her son is just cold and is upset because I don’t fit his idea… And also bitter because my Mother took me away from him at the age of 4 and did not return me until the age of 13. So there is a lot of pain there. Also, I can tell that my new found confidence and happiness irritates the hell out of him sometimes. What do I do? Thank you for reading my long message, I am SO grateful for this site. Reading other people’s words also helped me very much. YOU ROCK TIERRA MITICA! With so much love, Ariella
